Wagon? What wagon?

There is a saying people often use when one has strayed from their new journey they started, "She fell off the wagon".

To put it bluntly- I've jumped, burned and ran far far away from the wagon.

I went to my doctors about 2 weeks ago and weighed in, not bad, I had gained the mysterious 2 pounds I had lost, back. I honestly was shocked I hadn't gained more.

The last week or so has been my worst week in a very long time. We had family come visit so we ate out for 2 days straight. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. That was calorie city, let me just tell you!

I also had a yard sale with some friends over the weekend and I came super unprepared food wise. The night we set up I had nothing with me to eat so, I ate some pizza that was staring at me in the face. So good!

The next day durning the sale I had nothing but junk. Again, with the no preparation. I didn't even think about food! It was the last thing on my mind so, when it was time to eat, we ate out, of course and it wasn't healthy.

I have been trying to continue to eat every so often making sure my metabolism doesn't slow down but eating the junk I have been eating hasn't been very smart. I also haven't made it to the gym in a 2 weeks either.

I tried going back to my old gym and train Jiu Jitsu. It was so much fun. I loved every minute of it. It's amazing what your muscle memory is like when you haven't done something in so long...it just makes your body do what it needs to do without having to think about it at all. Amazing. 

I also have had a back issue for about 6 months now and being laid on and twisted around and thrown to the ground made it a lot worse. I had a pinched nerve bugging for this past 2 weeks. Ugh. Makes me sad. I was so excited to be back on the mats. But, even doing the light rolling that I was doing, hurt. I need to wait and try again soon.

I have a goal to loose some pounds and try and go back. Hopefully, when I've lost some more weight, my back won't be an issue anymore and I can go have fun training again.

Tomorrow I am headed to our "normal" gym to do some weight lifting and possibly some swimming. I've made my lunch and grabbed some small meals for the day while at work and for before and after the gym.

Hopefully I can stay in track and jump back on that torched wagon!

Here's to starts, re-starts, and starts again!! Never quit, right?

Boredom

What's the cure for boredom?

Is there a cure? Is it what your mom used to tell you when you were a kid?

Mine always told me "If only I could be bored..." whenever I said I was bored and then gave me a list of things I could go do- clean my room, do my homework, watch a movie, go play outside and so on. The list could have included Disneyland and I wouldn't have been impressed. And lately I feel the same way.

There are weeks that I am so busy I can't even get a breath to myself. Then there are weeks that I am so free that I get to work on anything I choose or I can sit and binge watch Grey's Anatomy if I wanted.

This week has been the Grey's week and I couldn't be more bored! I have a million things that I could be doing. I could finish painting my walls, work on any number of projects I want to do, write, finish my videos I have started, garden, do laundry, the list goes on. Do I want to do any of it? Nope. Not a thing. Even taking a nap sounds too boring. What is wrong with me??

Today I forced myself to go out and clean up the shed we have. It has holiday decorations, photo albums, memories, and all the other normal stuff you find in a storage shed. I went through and purged, (imagine that!) got stuff ready for the yard sale this weekend and re-organized the rest. It looks amazing. I even got my labeler out and labeled everything so I could see what was what without having to dig into the bins.

Normally I would be so excited I got this finished. I love to clean that shed. I don't know what it is but I do it like 3 or 4 times a year. Today, I was bored the whole time I was in there. I didn't want to do it, my back hurt like crazy, I was super hot (it's in direct sun all day) and I just wanted to do something else. But nothing at all.

Why am I in this funk?? What is this nagging bored feeling I have? Do other people get like this? Do you have days or even weeks where you feel like you really don't want to do anything but doing nothing sounds so boring?

I don't know if I need time to myself, time with family or time with friends. I don't want to eat healthy but eating junk is getting old fast. I kinda want to workout but my back has been killing me since starting back to Jiu Jitsu last week and I have no ambition to get there. I have a fully edited video ready to post but I haven't wanted to spend the 18 minutes it takes to do a voice over on it. I have a ton of things I could be doing but I can't want to do them. Even Pinterest is boring! A thought I didn't think I could ever think!

I am hating this feeling. How do I shake it?

Is there a way to get yourself out of a funk like this? Tequila shots? Running? Spa day? Wait it out? What has helped you? I can't be the only one here....

The Purge

It's one of those nights that I have a million things running through my head. I can't sleep because I want to DO! I want to get up and blog (that's why I'm here!). I want to edit videos I have ready and I want to sell all my stuff!

What?

Sell all my stuff?

Yes.

I'm a shopper. I love it. I've talked a little about it before...put me in a store, large or small and I can shop for hours if it is something in interested in. Put me in an electronic store and I'd be bored after about 20 minutes. Put me in a home/clothing/makeup/shoes/garden/tools/thrift and so on and you have to pry me out!

I don't know what it is. I can look for hours. I don't even have to buy. Sometimes I'll shop all day and spend like 10$. It's not because I don't have the money it's because I do try and NOT buy stuff! I wish I could be one of those people that doesn't LIKE to shop. It would be amazing! Then I could stay out of stores and not be lured in by amazing sales and clearance racks and "oh shiny!" everything!

Unfortunately I love it. So, because of this love, my lovely hubby has had to rein me in a bit. If he didn't, our house would be full of stuff that we "totally needed!"

Like I talked a little bit about in my Documentary blog, I also said I love to purge! Yes, that is a weird combo but hey! I'm weird so that's ok. Maybe it's because I like to shop so much that I can purge and buy new! No, not really ha!

On this whole road to discovering who I am and changing the way I live, I have tried to change my love for shopping as well. It's not a healthy habit. I don't need that instant gratification I get from shopping. I like it, but I don't need it.

So here I am...wanting to shop and upgrade and buy new and even old (I LOVE antiques!) but I'm trying to change for the better and accumulating a bunch of stuff isn't going to better myself.

That being said, it's garage sale time!! Yes, again! I have a few of us going in together in a couple weekends and I'm hoping to sell a ton again. It's a reason I can't sleep tonight! I want to put things together. Start pricing things! Post pictures! Get it out!

I love the feeling I get after a good purge almost as much as I like the feeling I get after buying a while bag of makeup from Ulta!

After cleaning out drawers and selling off things that aren't needed I feel calm. It's totally that "less is more" thing. I can walk through my house and not be bothered by things that need attention- put away- cleaned or fixed!

I know I can't be the only one who likes to purge and shop! Anyone else? Let's do a huge purge together!!

Go through a room in your house, a drawer, anything that has been bothering you and get rid of stuff! Give it away, sell it, or trash it! Get rid of the extra junk you don't need and have a feeling of calmness as you walk through your house. It's only STUFF!

We aren't here to collect stuff we are here to love. So, get rid of the stuff that bothers you and have more time for love!

Don't eat the bad food! Don't over spend! Don't shop! Be happy with what you have now!! Nobody cares if your house is perfectly decorated. No one else will care what kind of car you drive as long as you're there! Eat what makes you happy and healthy! Go spend time with your family and friends!

Don't accumulate stuff!
Just love!

How do you stop?

Why do we choose to eat bad things when we know that they are bad for us?

We have all done it. Eat a candy bar while we scream in our head- NO!! But yet we still eat it. Why? Why do I eat something knowing that it is bad for me? Why am I ok with putting extra-not needed calories into my body when I'm trying to loose weight? Trying to be healthy?

I guess it's what everyone talks about- will power. Or is it? Is it because I have no will power that I've gained all this weight? Is it because I just don't care? Or is it because it's really hard to say no to bad food?

I want to think it's a mixture of all of it. I have amazing will power some days. I could say no to ice cream, chocolates and cheese its with no problems at all. The next day I'm shoveling in anything I can and it's never enough. Like the will power I had the day before was pointless and never there.

Is it hormones? Is it stress? Probably.

How do I overcome it? That's the big question I need answered. On days that I'm just not feeling it, or days that I want to eat everything in site- how do I say no? How do I choose the better option when I'm craving a fat greasy cheeseburger?

Unfortunately there is no one answer. Having planned out options is a great idea but there are a lot of days where planning goes out the window. Having snacks and healthy food all around you all the time doesn't stop me from buying something extra on days where I'm craving bad things. So, how do I stop myself?

I guess focusing on my goals will help. Imagining that day I get to go into my closet and pick out that super cute outfit I've been trying to fit into and finally getting to wear it!

I'll focus on being healthy for my little. I don't want her to struggle like I have my whole life. I want her focus to be on something else than loosing weight all the time.

Most importantly I'll focus on me. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to hike. I want to run without feeling like I'm going to die. I want to be able to sit in any chair and feel comfortable and not awkward. I want to sit and not have to fix my shirt over my rolls. I want to be able to cross my legs again and be comfortable doing so.

So here is to new thoughts and a new focus. If you need help- message me. I'm here for you with no judgement because trust me I've been there!