Wagon? What wagon?

There is a saying people often use when one has strayed from their new journey they started, "She fell off the wagon".

To put it bluntly- I've jumped, burned and ran far far away from the wagon.

I went to my doctors about 2 weeks ago and weighed in, not bad, I had gained the mysterious 2 pounds I had lost, back. I honestly was shocked I hadn't gained more.

The last week or so has been my worst week in a very long time. We had family come visit so we ate out for 2 days straight. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. That was calorie city, let me just tell you!

I also had a yard sale with some friends over the weekend and I came super unprepared food wise. The night we set up I had nothing with me to eat so, I ate some pizza that was staring at me in the face. So good!

The next day durning the sale I had nothing but junk. Again, with the no preparation. I didn't even think about food! It was the last thing on my mind so, when it was time to eat, we ate out, of course and it wasn't healthy.

I have been trying to continue to eat every so often making sure my metabolism doesn't slow down but eating the junk I have been eating hasn't been very smart. I also haven't made it to the gym in a 2 weeks either.

I tried going back to my old gym and train Jiu Jitsu. It was so much fun. I loved every minute of it. It's amazing what your muscle memory is like when you haven't done something in so long...it just makes your body do what it needs to do without having to think about it at all. Amazing. 

I also have had a back issue for about 6 months now and being laid on and twisted around and thrown to the ground made it a lot worse. I had a pinched nerve bugging for this past 2 weeks. Ugh. Makes me sad. I was so excited to be back on the mats. But, even doing the light rolling that I was doing, hurt. I need to wait and try again soon.

I have a goal to loose some pounds and try and go back. Hopefully, when I've lost some more weight, my back won't be an issue anymore and I can go have fun training again.

Tomorrow I am headed to our "normal" gym to do some weight lifting and possibly some swimming. I've made my lunch and grabbed some small meals for the day while at work and for before and after the gym.

Hopefully I can stay in track and jump back on that torched wagon!

Here's to starts, re-starts, and starts again!! Never quit, right?

Boredom

What's the cure for boredom?

Is there a cure? Is it what your mom used to tell you when you were a kid?

Mine always told me "If only I could be bored..." whenever I said I was bored and then gave me a list of things I could go do- clean my room, do my homework, watch a movie, go play outside and so on. The list could have included Disneyland and I wouldn't have been impressed. And lately I feel the same way.

There are weeks that I am so busy I can't even get a breath to myself. Then there are weeks that I am so free that I get to work on anything I choose or I can sit and binge watch Grey's Anatomy if I wanted.

This week has been the Grey's week and I couldn't be more bored! I have a million things that I could be doing. I could finish painting my walls, work on any number of projects I want to do, write, finish my videos I have started, garden, do laundry, the list goes on. Do I want to do any of it? Nope. Not a thing. Even taking a nap sounds too boring. What is wrong with me??

Today I forced myself to go out and clean up the shed we have. It has holiday decorations, photo albums, memories, and all the other normal stuff you find in a storage shed. I went through and purged, (imagine that!) got stuff ready for the yard sale this weekend and re-organized the rest. It looks amazing. I even got my labeler out and labeled everything so I could see what was what without having to dig into the bins.

Normally I would be so excited I got this finished. I love to clean that shed. I don't know what it is but I do it like 3 or 4 times a year. Today, I was bored the whole time I was in there. I didn't want to do it, my back hurt like crazy, I was super hot (it's in direct sun all day) and I just wanted to do something else. But nothing at all.

Why am I in this funk?? What is this nagging bored feeling I have? Do other people get like this? Do you have days or even weeks where you feel like you really don't want to do anything but doing nothing sounds so boring?

I don't know if I need time to myself, time with family or time with friends. I don't want to eat healthy but eating junk is getting old fast. I kinda want to workout but my back has been killing me since starting back to Jiu Jitsu last week and I have no ambition to get there. I have a fully edited video ready to post but I haven't wanted to spend the 18 minutes it takes to do a voice over on it. I have a ton of things I could be doing but I can't want to do them. Even Pinterest is boring! A thought I didn't think I could ever think!

I am hating this feeling. How do I shake it?

Is there a way to get yourself out of a funk like this? Tequila shots? Running? Spa day? Wait it out? What has helped you? I can't be the only one here....

The Purge

It's one of those nights that I have a million things running through my head. I can't sleep because I want to DO! I want to get up and blog (that's why I'm here!). I want to edit videos I have ready and I want to sell all my stuff!

What?

Sell all my stuff?

Yes.

I'm a shopper. I love it. I've talked a little about it before...put me in a store, large or small and I can shop for hours if it is something in interested in. Put me in an electronic store and I'd be bored after about 20 minutes. Put me in a home/clothing/makeup/shoes/garden/tools/thrift and so on and you have to pry me out!

I don't know what it is. I can look for hours. I don't even have to buy. Sometimes I'll shop all day and spend like 10$. It's not because I don't have the money it's because I do try and NOT buy stuff! I wish I could be one of those people that doesn't LIKE to shop. It would be amazing! Then I could stay out of stores and not be lured in by amazing sales and clearance racks and "oh shiny!" everything!

Unfortunately I love it. So, because of this love, my lovely hubby has had to rein me in a bit. If he didn't, our house would be full of stuff that we "totally needed!"

Like I talked a little bit about in my Documentary blog, I also said I love to purge! Yes, that is a weird combo but hey! I'm weird so that's ok. Maybe it's because I like to shop so much that I can purge and buy new! No, not really ha!

On this whole road to discovering who I am and changing the way I live, I have tried to change my love for shopping as well. It's not a healthy habit. I don't need that instant gratification I get from shopping. I like it, but I don't need it.

So here I am...wanting to shop and upgrade and buy new and even old (I LOVE antiques!) but I'm trying to change for the better and accumulating a bunch of stuff isn't going to better myself.

That being said, it's garage sale time!! Yes, again! I have a few of us going in together in a couple weekends and I'm hoping to sell a ton again. It's a reason I can't sleep tonight! I want to put things together. Start pricing things! Post pictures! Get it out!

I love the feeling I get after a good purge almost as much as I like the feeling I get after buying a while bag of makeup from Ulta!

After cleaning out drawers and selling off things that aren't needed I feel calm. It's totally that "less is more" thing. I can walk through my house and not be bothered by things that need attention- put away- cleaned or fixed!

I know I can't be the only one who likes to purge and shop! Anyone else? Let's do a huge purge together!!

Go through a room in your house, a drawer, anything that has been bothering you and get rid of stuff! Give it away, sell it, or trash it! Get rid of the extra junk you don't need and have a feeling of calmness as you walk through your house. It's only STUFF!

We aren't here to collect stuff we are here to love. So, get rid of the stuff that bothers you and have more time for love!

Don't eat the bad food! Don't over spend! Don't shop! Be happy with what you have now!! Nobody cares if your house is perfectly decorated. No one else will care what kind of car you drive as long as you're there! Eat what makes you happy and healthy! Go spend time with your family and friends!

Don't accumulate stuff!
Just love!

How do you stop?

Why do we choose to eat bad things when we know that they are bad for us?

We have all done it. Eat a candy bar while we scream in our head- NO!! But yet we still eat it. Why? Why do I eat something knowing that it is bad for me? Why am I ok with putting extra-not needed calories into my body when I'm trying to loose weight? Trying to be healthy?

I guess it's what everyone talks about- will power. Or is it? Is it because I have no will power that I've gained all this weight? Is it because I just don't care? Or is it because it's really hard to say no to bad food?

I want to think it's a mixture of all of it. I have amazing will power some days. I could say no to ice cream, chocolates and cheese its with no problems at all. The next day I'm shoveling in anything I can and it's never enough. Like the will power I had the day before was pointless and never there.

Is it hormones? Is it stress? Probably.

How do I overcome it? That's the big question I need answered. On days that I'm just not feeling it, or days that I want to eat everything in site- how do I say no? How do I choose the better option when I'm craving a fat greasy cheeseburger?

Unfortunately there is no one answer. Having planned out options is a great idea but there are a lot of days where planning goes out the window. Having snacks and healthy food all around you all the time doesn't stop me from buying something extra on days where I'm craving bad things. So, how do I stop myself?

I guess focusing on my goals will help. Imagining that day I get to go into my closet and pick out that super cute outfit I've been trying to fit into and finally getting to wear it!

I'll focus on being healthy for my little. I don't want her to struggle like I have my whole life. I want her focus to be on something else than loosing weight all the time.

Most importantly I'll focus on me. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to hike. I want to run without feeling like I'm going to die. I want to be able to sit in any chair and feel comfortable and not awkward. I want to sit and not have to fix my shirt over my rolls. I want to be able to cross my legs again and be comfortable doing so.

So here is to new thoughts and a new focus. If you need help- message me. I'm here for you with no judgement because trust me I've been there!

Eating bad. Sometimes.

So, it's been a few weeks since I have written anything and I guess it's time for confession. Bless me fath...no not that kind but still a confession none the less.

After vacation I did my weigh in and had only gained about 2 pounds. With everything I ate, I was shocked! I should have gained at least 5 but more like 10! I guess all the walking and little bits of hiking we did helped keep foods from sticking to me.

Since vacation (2 weeks now...feels like 2 months!) I haven't been eating the greatest. I have done great during the days most days but then when evening hits we have eating bad. I haven't had my amazing veggie patties until tonight...that killed me!

The hubby got hurt at work so he was off for a couple days and was super board at home. He's so used to working out at our 2 different gyms at least 4 days a week, before vacation, that he just about lost it. So, because he can't do anything physical we have mainly just walked, soaked in the hot tub or pool, shopped some and ate. And by eating I mean eating out.

I think I've made dinner like 6 times since being home. That leaves about 8 or 9 days of eating out. (ugh! the money we have wasted!!) Calories add up super fast eating out! We have gone to places like Outback, had some nummy Mexican food, ate frozen pizza and even had Sonic last night for dinner.

As I ate my popcorn chicken I glanced at the calorie count next to the number on the menu...1100 to 1200. (don't do that! Ever!) Holy moly. That's more then I should eat in a day right now. Freaked me out some so I ate the chicken, and only ate a couple of the onion rings and shared my drink with the little and tried not to think about it.

This morning I weighed in on my own scale. I'm still up my 2 pounds but not any higher. It's funny because I have been expecting it to keep climbing but it hasn't. It's like I'm testing myself. Like, well- this whole diet thing didn't work so I can give up now and just be fat forever. But it's not going up despite the horrible way I've been eating in the late afternoon and evening.

When I talked to my doctor at my appointment a week and a half ago she (a P.A. for my normal doctor) told me that I've kept my metabolism going by eating every few hours even when I was eating horrible on vacation. So, even though I ate horrible and have continued to eat that way some of the time, my metabolism is staying higher then normal.

If you don't understand I'll try and explain...hopefully I'm not telling it totally wrong! This is how my doctor explained it to me in a nutshell....

If you go hours and hours between meals your body thinks it may be your last for hours or even days so it freaks- stores all your food (fat) for energy later on. Then when you get you next meal it will do the same thing - store fat. Thus you'll gain weight or maybe just stay the same weight.
By eating every 2 to 3 hours your body is getting the nutrition it needs and it doesn't think you're starving. So it knows it can burn some of your excess fuel (fat). Once you've started eating every couple of hours for a few days straight your body knows you're not starving and decides to release excess fat. Thus you loose weight.

I think that is how it was explained to me so if I got a little messed up I'm sorry. Go ahead and Google away and you will find it explained to you very well by someone that knows way more about then I!

But here is what it had done for me. Because I have eaten on a normal schedule of every 2 to 3 hours (even bad meals) I've kept my metabolism up and haven't gained anything to speak of. I've been basically just sitting where I have been for a few weeks now.

So ask yourself...Are you eating enough? Are you keeping your body from freaking out and storing every bite you take in after 8 hours of not eating? I know it's hard to eat every 2 to 3 hours. That's why I have bars and premade protein shakes at my fingertips all the time. That way I know I can eat or drink something fast. Get it out of the way and go about my day. Now I know it would be great to eat bad food all day every 2 or 3 hours but you have to eat something healthy. No candy meals!

Don't like protein bars? Or Shakes? Grab a few slices of deli meat a string cheese and 2 hard boiled egg whites. You can come up with a lot of different meals if you're not ok with eating the same thing most days or don't like the shakes and bars.

Well here I am about a month into my journey and I'm down about 7-ish pounds. Its funny because 2 months ago I would be super proud and all woohooing at a 7 pound loss. This month, because I know I could have done better I'm upset with myself. Not in a bad way like I want to give up, or I'm shaming myself. Just in a way that I know I could have made better choices.

August is just a few days a way and I'm onto a new month and a new outlook. I have done great this month, failed miserably and had okay days in between. I'm still down some pounds and I'm happy about that. This month I want to loose another 7 pounds.

Here's to eating every 2 or 3 hours, getting lots of protein at every meal and eating a nice healthy dinner! Let's do this thing!!

Here's also to fall coming around the corner!! My favorite! Yay sweatshirts and boots!! Little early? Yea I know haha!

Vacation Overload!

Let's see here. I can lie, be honest but still keep some things in or I can be brutally honest. Which is me?

Yep- Brutally honest.

I have eaten everything in sight.

If it was there- I ate it. I didn't stick to my plan really at all. I'm sure I've gained weight, if not all of it back. My body holds on to calories like a dog with a bone. It ain't lettin go! And I have felt like crap every night!

Let me start by saying I did have fun. Every day I enjoyed myself with my family. We walked and hiked and ate and saw the sights and shopped and hiked and walked and walked. And then walked some more. Which you would think that walking and average of12 miles a day would help cut the calories from sticking. I doubt it. Maybe for some but not for this ol bod. I look at food and I gain weight.

So, what am I going to do now that vacation is over in T-minus 24 hours? Start fresh in the morning! I'm not going to weigh myself when I get home. I don't want to know. I will weigh in with my doctor at the end of the week. I'm not going to think about all the nummy food I ate and think badly of myself. I'm going to move on. Start over fresh.

Normally I would be kicking myself by now. Hating myself for letting myself eat the things I've eaten. For overdoing it. I would be looking in the mirror at night in agony. Wondering when I was going to stop. When I was going to have the will power to loose weight again. Flopping my fat around pinching, here and there. Looking at my big ol' butt in the mirror and think- wow! That's a big butt!

But this time I'm not- I'm not going to let those thoughts into my mind when I look into the mirror. I know that I had fun. I ate and enjoyed my sweets and goodies and I also ate things that were good for me. I am on a journey-not a perfect one but a normal ups and downs kinda journey. Real life.

Tomorrow I will start the morning with a protein shake and we will do our last leg of our vacation. We are in Reno for the night again trying to break up the long drive between Salt Lake City and home.

When we get home we will be going grocery shopping for the week and getting everything we need to juice for a few days to get rid of all these horrible foods we all have been eating. As well as normal everyday food we are used too. The little won't know what to do....no sweets? Ha! Poor thing will be going through junk food withdraws with us! She normally eats super healthy so this week has been strange for her too. She's been in heaven though! A cookie, chocolate covered strawberry and an ice cream cone in the same day? Dang! My mom is the coolest!

No more though. No vacations planed for the next few months so healthy eating will be had by all, with no interruptions! I even have a gym date this week with my swole sister!

I also have to say that I really miss home. I miss normal food that I have to cook, driving to the gym and getting to swim. I miss being able to grab a cold protein shake from the fridge or cut up some fruit when I want. I miss my normal day to day eating and activities.

When you go from eating super healthy to super crappy you crave the good! And oh man does my body hate all this junk! By the end of the night I normally have a headache or a tummy ache. My body is trying to tell me to knock it off every day so far but I have been ignoring it until now. I can't wait to have a veggie patty with some fresh avocado and hopefully a home grown tomato tomorrow for dinner!! Yummmm!

Vacation time!

Vacations.
"Holiday", as my little would call it.

What do we do when we are around nothing but crazy good food? What if you're on a mission to loose weight but there is a beautiful slice of strawberry cheesecake looking at you saying "Eat me!". Well, in my case, I eat it. Maybe not all of it but I enjoy some of it.

Yesterday was the first day of our vacation.  We made our first stop in Reno, Nevada at a hotel that connects to other hotels. Lots of food and drinks all around me!

The trip to the hotel I did pretty well in my food choices. I did have some chocolate covered cranberries and some of those little round crackers with that horribly good fake cheese. But other then that I ate some grapes had a protein shake and a couple bottles of water.

Once we got to the hotel we walked around and decided to have buffet which of course was the hubby's first choice! It was great! I had little bits of different pastas with a salad, some fruit and of course I tried a bunch of those little deserts they have.  The little and I shared most of them and neither of us ate a whole one. It was perfect. I felt like I was having everything I wanted when I wasn't really eating a lot.

Later into the evening we decide to have more dessert...Gelato. so good! That was over doing it but, hey! I'm on vacation!! Haha!

Today we are heading to Las Vegas for a few days and we plan on eating at the buffets there too. I'll split up my good meals and "bad" meals. I'll try and eat as good as I can without going overboard but I do know I will be enjoying myself too. I have worked hard to get these first 10 pounds off and I don't want to gain any of it back.

Before we left home I made sure and went shopping for food that we could bring along and eat easily enough while driving. I cut up strawberries and packed blueberries, grapes and pineapple. I bought little packs of cheese with nuts and also brought some cheese sticks and lunch meat. These are our travel snacks and late night snacks if we need them. It helps in the calorie department and woth saving money. No sense in buying cut fruit at every gas station from home to Vegas at 3 times the price!

We will be doing lots and lots of walking and even a bit of hiking so we will work off some of the bad but remember you can't out work a bad diet. Sucks. But we can't.

I'll try and post a whole post of our vacation after we get back home. Pictures and all. Should be an amazing time visiting 3 different states. We have planned this trip for a few months now and I can't believe it's acatully happening! So much fun!!

Here's to being happy along this crazy  journey!